Keep on Keeping on

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Oh emotions, why do you have to get in the way of everything? I've been a good girl lately. I've stayed on track with the diet, sticking to the 1400 calories per day and even trying to get more exercise. That is my nemesis, as with all other fat people of the world, exercise. The get up and go gene has totally passed us by and it's a struggle to do it. Once up and going, we are fine, at least I am, it's just the getting up and going part that always seems to stop me. They say to set an "appointment" with yourself to exercise. OK, I set the appointment, but then something else just happened, or the kitchen's a mess and I know I'm not going to have it in me to do both, and dinner still needs to be made and am I just rationalizing here? Yes I am. Those damn emotions getting in the way again. I feel defeated. I feel like a failure because I am where I am and the only hope to get out is to totally change my lifestyle for the better. Is that a bad thing, heck no. Will it make my life better, happier and more enjoyable? Absolutely! So, why then do I feel like absolute crap? I have no idea.

I had a complete food fail on Monday and I don't know if I'm still recovering from it or what. I ended up shorting myself about 300 calories and really felt it. The next day I was ravenous and light headed all day. I made up for it with a huge lunch of broccoli with hummus, a big salad and some laughing cow cheese and crackers. Then made creamy chicken and rice with corn and had a great bike ride with the husband. I feel much better today, but emotionally I'm a wreck. I haven't been sleeping well at night and it's just driving me down because I feel I don't have the energy to do anything. There is one bright spot to my day though. I got paid! I get to go grocery shopping and have actual food in the house and not the scavenger hunt food-o-rama it's been this last week. Now if I can just get the husband to quit suggesting we go out for dinner all will be much better. I don't think I'm quite ready for that challenge yet. I miss the goodness that is Beto's and Pasquale's and let's not even mention Eggie's, Sammie's and Crazy Sushi! I don't think I have the will power and proper state of mind to go out and order sensibly at this point.

So today's plan is get some grocery shopping done after work, make an excellent dinner and go for another bike ride tonight. I really did enjoy my ride last night and the fact that I was able to peddle for such long periods without having to coast gave me a big boost of confidence.

Until we meet again...

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