Ouch! Well, there goes that plan.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

It's been a rough week, once again. After my last post I did a lot of soul searching of what I really wanted, what would make me happy and what needs to be done. I'm still figuring some things out, but I think I have a plan. The good news was that I had committed myself to start exercising everyday and be able to work into some sort of routine. Well, that didn't last long. Saturday morning, I went out for a nice bike ride. The birds were chirping, the weather was perfect and I was peddling happily along. As I hit the final hill on the trail before the last bit home I knew I wasn't going to make it but I wanted to try to get at least half way up that hill so I pushed and was on my way until I felt a significant "pop" in my back. I knew at that point I had pulled that same damn back muscle that tends to go out on me from time to time and that it was going to be painful. I managed to stop and get off the bike, then walk the rest of the way up the hill. By that time, the pain had set in and I didn't know if I was going to make it back home, but I had no choice because I was alone on the bike trail with no phone to call for help. I gathered my strength and got back on that bike and rode the last mile home about as slow as I've ever ridden. Luckily, my neighbor was outside and came by to say hi when I got home. When I told him I had pulled my back, he took my bike from me and took it in the house so I wouldn't have to wrestle the 50lb beast by myself. Thank you Patrick! When I got inside, I was in so much pain and was so angry that I went to the bedroom to find the husband and to lie down. I then broke down and cried harder than I have in a very long time. The pain from the injury the anger from all my plans being halted and the frustration of wanting to create a better life from me being stripped away from me like a punishment for doing something good.

The rest of the day was spent lying in the bed in the second bedroom watching tv and feeling sorry for myself. I felt I deserved it. Life had just thrown me yet another curve ball in a life of curve balls and just when I thought I knew how to swing it was "strike 3 you're out!" (hey look, I made a baseball reference!) It wasn't until the end of the day when Tate couldn't take it any longer told me that my current frame of mind wasn't helping anything and only making me feel worse. Of course, it took a while longer to get through my thick skull, but he was right. I was just making myself feel worse instead of concentrating on healing and moving forward.

The accident happened on Saturday, it is now Thursday and I am still hobbling along. I didn't go to work Monday and Tuesday, but was able to make it by Wednesday and made it the whole day, which was great. I'm hoping to be back on my bike sometime this weekend, minus the hills and continue the promise I made to myself. I don't know if this was some sort of test that the fates had decided to put me through, or what, but other than that first day, I'm fairly proud of the way I've handled the situation. Granted I was laid up for four days, but I managed to keep from doing all sorts of boredom binging and stay within my restrictions the entire time making me feel even better about the choices that I had made.

There's still a very long road ahead with some nasty choices to be made, but I'm focusing on some short term goals ahead. A bike ride that doesn't include traction, a pedicure after I've reached my first 20lb loss and many others. So, here's to the choices we all make in our lives. Keep them good and let good things happen to you!


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